Nathan’s Birth Story

My pregnancy with Nathan as a whole was completely different than my pregnancy with Thea. And more than in that they are two different babies, thus each pregnancy will be different. I mean in the sense that exactly halfway into my pregnancy, the world shut down. I was officially having a pregnancy and birth in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. The word ‘unprecedented’ became a part of everyday jargon – in conversations with friends … in memes both funny and serious … in texts …

This was still very early on in my labor. We all had woken up and moved downstairs to the living room so i could have different spaces to labor while also keeping things as normal as possible for thea. during my contractions, she just wanted to lay with me. she was so patient and gentle with me.

This pregnancy was hard. It was hard emotionally. It was hard mentally. It was hard physically. It was hard spiritually. I didn’t get to have Brit by my side during my appointments. I didn’t get to parade around Los Angeles wearing cute, tight-fitting outfits that spotlight my baby bump. I didn’t get to have a traditional baby shower. I didn’t get to go on a babymoon. It sucked. And, it really was all first-world problems of what I didn’t get to have.

This pregnancy was also so special. Because of the lockdown, Brit was home. We had an amazing five months to truly co-parent Thea and watch her grow leaps and bounds during such a critical time developmentally. We spent some serious quality time together as a family of three, cherishing a time that would most likely otherwise be overstepped. I was able to give my heart and soul to Thea while equally having time to just sit and be with Nathan as he grew inside my belly. The silver lining of this pandemic gave me things I never would have otherwise knew I wanted. Our time is valuable, and our family thrived in knowing that and appreciating it.

this is one of my favorite places to labor. and with both babies, my mama jumped right in with me to coach me through my contractions.

With Thea arriving Earthside on her due date and this being my second pregnancy, I was convinced that Nathan would be early. And as anyone who has ever been pregnant will tell you, the last month of pregnancy truly feels like 4,287 days. Add in a pandemic and being quarantined in your home for 5 months, the last weeks leading up to Nathan’s birth took a toll on my mental headspace. As week 39 came to an end and his due date of August 8th quickly came and went, too, I was over it. I was over being pregnant. I was over the heat (hello, global warming). I was over the pre-labor contractions that would keep me up at night but weren’t progressing. I was just done.

I was also super anxious about my water breaking. I felt this same way when I was pregnant with Thea. I don’t know why, but for whatever reason, I get the most anxiety towards the end of my pregnancies with an irrational fear of worrying if and when my water is going to break. Which is so silly since I wasn’t going anywhere anyway since there was no place to go and thus, my water wouldn’t break in some drama-filled fantasy in Aisle 3 of Ralph’s. Ironically, but not really since most waters break while in active labor and not as the first sign of labor, my water broke in the water with Thea and my midwife had to break my water with Nathan, but more on that later.

this was one of many contractions i had while on our 2 mile hike.

Anyways, on Friday, August 14th, as I was getting my things together downstairs to head up to bed, I passed our Alex Show, where in big lettering plastered across the screen read, “Excessive Heat Warning in Calabasas Tomorrow.” Excellent. Another day of crazy, stupid heat while 41 weeks pregnant. I am sure it is to no one’s surprise that I was woken up around 3 am due to cramping. It took me about an hour of being uncomfortable and continuous waking’s to finally come to the realization that I was in early first stage labor.

Now, with Thea’s labor, the first sign of labor began around 11:30 am. By 8:46 pm, she was born. I had a fast and furious labor. It was hard but it moved quickly. My early labor lasted until around 3 pm which was when active labor began. I figured this second time around would be even faster. I was right. And I was wrong.

during my labor with thea, all i wanted was my mom. during my labor with nathan, all i wanted was brit and her touch,

From 3 am until 3 pm, I was in early labor. I was able to eat and nap throughout that time and even went on a 2-mile hike. I ran into neighbors, planned a very last-minute play date for Thea, watched Married At First Sight, and enjoyed deep tissue massage and other midwifery and doula practices to help keep me focused, calm, and relaxed, while encouraging Nathan to move down the birth canal. At around 3 pm, things began to pick up. I became very emotional. I spent the next 2 hours or so crying on and off, both apologizing for taking away from Thea being an only child and realizing my next dream of growing my family was about to come to fruition. I remember just sobbing. I was really at a pivotal crossroads where I felt like I was mourning being a family of three. I felt like I was truly betraying Thea and the only world she has known … one that I quite loved and enjoyed and cherished. At the same time, Brit and I have always dreamt and spoke of having a big family. It just never occurred to me how deeply and profoundly I would love my firstborn or how I would be able to love someone else as deeply and wholeheartedly as I did Thea. Ah yes, another familiar conversation many women will recognize and know who have birthed more than one baby.

i am in active labor here. my mom and dad to the left, brit and my midwife to the right. i used the tub more to labor against and on than in,

With Brit and my mom by my side again during this marathon, both were keenly aware and tuned in to my emotional state being an important ‘signpost’ of labor. I was in transition, usually the hardest and shortest stage of labor right before pushing begins. My contractions were consistent and strong, with many of them happening right on top of each other. Unlike last time, it never crossed my mind to even ask for or want an epidural. I just wanted to meet my son. I wanted to meet this sweet, and gentle, and patient little guy who I had been wishing for so long. We also learned that it was far less expensive to buy a birth tub (instead of rent) and we were pros at setting it up this time around. However, I have come to the conclusion that water births are just not for me. I have terrible, terrible back labor. When I have a contraction, the pain in my lower back is unbearable. The only way to counteract that kind of pain is counterpressure…hence the massage therapist. He is able to put an abundant amount of pressure on my back so that I can breathe through the contractions. When I am in the tub, he loses access to my back. So while we did invest in a birth tub and had the whole setup ready to go, and while I did try to labor in the tub again, it took me all of one contraction in there to know it was time for Plan B. The couch.

there were many times where i would have multiple contractions back-t0-back. brit was there to catch me every time.

And just like with Thea, I was assisted out of the tub and onto the couch. The same couch I delivered Thea on. I was ready. I was prepared. I was at about 8 and ½ centimeters when I felt the urge to push. So, I did. I only had a handful of contractions until I was finally at 10 centimeters dilated. I pushed and pushed and pushed. All the onlookers were in awe with seeing my bag of water bulge out when I would push and go back into hiding when the contraction was over. Could I do it? Could I be one of those mamas who delivers her baby in their bag of waters? It was another one of my dreams that could never be planned, and yet, here we were. Nathan was still in his bag of waters. Well, when you have been in a very slow-paced 12+ hours of early labor, followed by 3 hours of very fast, hard, active labor, all you want is the baby OUT. I told my midwife to break the bag. She did. With the next contraction, his head was out. I remember feeling the “ring of fire” and being done. I didn’t want to push anymore. I was tired. There was laughter all around me. The head was already out. There wasn’t much left for me to do and my midwife and team knew it. The final ‘signpost’ of my labor. Nathan was about to be born. And with one final push, my midwife grabbed Brit’s hands, and she delivered Nathan, our son, into this world. She plopped him right on top of me and there he was.

home birth in all its glory.

Nathan Henry Max was born on Saturday, August 15, 2020, at 6:40 pm, weighing 7 lbs, 13 oz, measuring 20 inches long. He was perfect. And that’s how and when we went from a family of three to a family of four.

welcome to the world, nathan henry max.

Memorable Moments of Nathan’s Birth and Other Post Labor Thoughts – Because remembering the whole thing in order and not in a heightened state with crazy hormones flowing is just not going to happen.

• Apparently, I am the type of woman who curses like a sailor once I give birth to my babies. Some women cry ... but not me. I curse. A lot. But after pushing a HUMAN out of my VAGINA it’s the only thing that seems to make sense.

• My early labor was very easy. I needed to concentrate on my contractions, but they were tolerable and easy enough to get through with the help of my team. I knew that if I kept moving around, changing positions, it would help move things along. Nathan had other plans. He was comfy where he was. But being able to go on the 2-mile hike was pretty special. My parent’s neighborhood is breathtaking and I felt deeply connected and grounded to my surroundings.

• Brit was one of the last people to know I was in labor – again – as I knew she was going to be working just as hard and as long as I was. I needed her to be rested. After I woke my mom up and we alerted the team, then I woke and told Brit of the news.

• Both my babies were born in the evening; and both on Saturdays.

Our Dynamic Birth Team

Midwife:
Leslie Stewart

Doula:
My Momma (Dr. Briar)

Photo and Video:
Rebecca and Lauren

Masseur:
Steve Oskard

In addition to our fabulous team, we had: Brit’s mom, who was in charge of feeding everyone, taking care of our dog, and being Brit’s support; Ilana, whom I have known for nearly my whole life and is my mom’s best friend, was in charge of being my mom’s support and delegating tasks, as she is always one (or two) steps ahead; our Cantor, who also made a debut at Thea’s birth, to play guitar and sing our babies out into this world, and my Dad and baby brother, who just wouldn’t have missed this occasion.